honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize