At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
