the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
