it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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