I wannas sexs uuuuu
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
