My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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