Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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