just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
