this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
