My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
