How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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