im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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