After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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