Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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