I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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