yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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