I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
