I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
