I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
