i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
