True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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