Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize