i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
