just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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