I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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