I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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