Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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