And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
