I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My ATM looks so different sober.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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