Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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