I think I died a long time ago.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
