he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
