i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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