We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
