New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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