Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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