So drunk its hurt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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