I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
