im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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