it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
