I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your cock deserves a montage
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
