i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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