Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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