I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
