You just made me feel so damn special
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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