So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
