apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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