I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
