I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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