My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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