you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
