But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My cat gives me a boner
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
