I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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