Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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