fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
