So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -