Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.