She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?