If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.