Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid