I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.