hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
