Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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