saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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