So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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