At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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