Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
