He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
