Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
