there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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