dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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