Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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