Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
