I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
