How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
