stop calling my apartment porn island.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
