WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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