If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
