it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
