Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
