ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
